well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just cut my nipple shaving
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
