Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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