i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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