Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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