she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
