I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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