it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
