my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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