my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Threesome in a minivan. New low
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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