Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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