I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
