kristin has been a bad kristin
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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