she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
