If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
