Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
