u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
a search helicopter?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
