it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
