Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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