this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So squirting runs in the family.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
