I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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