I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
