Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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