I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found your dick twin last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
