I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
