And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
