you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
