On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
