My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
