Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
