I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
