this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
