just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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