And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
