I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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