Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
