I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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