What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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