it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
