i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
