I just threw up on my dentist
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
