The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
