Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
