Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
