were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
