i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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