talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
