she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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