tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
