I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
