If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
