She is in my trunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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