Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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