barbara walters just said penis...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
