Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
