I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
