Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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